Single white male WLTM record label for serious relationship, maybe more

Sami Albert “Witchfinder” Hynninen, former Doom Metal musician that actually sold records, and currently a self-styled pop idol and true artist, has recently reached out to all and sundry, with a heart-wrenching message…

The plight of unsigned bands is not lost on the writers of this blog, nor is the predicament of self-absorbed village boys who make music no one wants to hear yet insist on having it released in a physical format, in the year 2019…

What we don’t get is why would Sami forego the options he has at his immediate disposal, such as…

I. Tyrannus/Emissary Records. Sami’s old friends. Over ten years ago, with Reverend Bizarre only recently split-up, Albert Witchfinder could have literally gone with any label he wanted to release an old, four-track demo, and he chose this one, to impress a lady friend. Things may have turned sour afterwards, on both fronts, but the fact remains that Sami’s humanitarian misson is not finished. Pato needs a steady influx of cash, if he is to rise above the socioeconomical situation 16th century colonialism imposed on him, not a one-off. And poor, good-hearted Tamara will need a good capital to start her new life, when she can have her own european passport and does not need to pretend anymore. Sami, give those wonderful people a call! Nothing says kvlt like having released something in Chile…

II. The Church Within Records. Let’s face it, if Sami’s new, less mainstream than Reverend Bizarre band, Pussies, has any money-making potential, Oli can always go behind Sami’s back and release it anyway. So why not join them, if you can’t beat them? As added bonuses, the label can hook up Pussies with Lord Vicar for a tour, and/or release the split as a one-track CD. It’s a no-brainer.

III. Svart Records. The long suffering friends of the ex-members of Lohja COTD purists Reverend Bizarre, Svart records have put out an insane amount of records recorded by Sami and Kimi that no one wants to buy, just so they can retain vinyl reissue rights on the hot bun Reverend Bizarre back catalogue… One more split 12″ LP destined to gather dust on the shelf won’t break the bank, surely?

IV. Sami’s own, indie label. Yet to be started, but an inescapable eventuality… Sooner or later Sami will start one, to release his own music, and also get some pussy (see what we did here?)… You read it here first.

Whichever of these options this grand master of true art opts for, we simply cannot wait for this masterpiece to finally be made available to the numerous fans who crave Sami’s post-2008 output… We can blast it on the beach in Ibiza all summer, on our special, waterproof turntable, while others enjoy themselves in the familiar comfort of the abyss.