Who ate all the cakes ?

Doom Metal Legend (TM) Peter Vicar, aka Kimi Kärki, turned 39 last week…

Dedicated to providing full satisfaction for his friends and fans, Kimi went on a cake binge eating tour of all his local bakeries and pastry shops, where he tried each and every cake available at least twice, as you can see from this fairly recent, and beautifully composed, photo:

fatty

Kimi’s obvious joy truly melted our collective hearts here at DWA… Here’s a man who’s smugly happy about himself… He has bulit a career on the back of others, his belly is full, his toy in his hand, there’s no guilt shading his bright blue sky…

Happy belated birthday, Kimi! We hope you got all sorts of birthday cards and nice pressies from your friends in Chile… That kind of loyalty must be rewarded!

Image

Sami Hynninen reaches out to Ville Valo !

We nearly chocked on our donuts this morning here at DWA, when we read a facebook post in which his reclusive Magickal Highness, Magister Albert Witchfinder, wished Ville Valo would start wearing Opium Warlords t-shirts (note the plural):

opium

Dearest Sami, you have repeatedly made your utter lack of intelligence and distance from reality painfully obvious in the past, recent and otherwise, but please do try to level with us on this… If you don’t make Opium Warlords t-shirts available, how do you expect Ville Valo to start wearing them? Do you reckon he’s gonna pop down to his local t-shirt printing shop and make them himself, then start wearing them? Not even Kimi Kärki has done that, and he owes his entire career to you!

Plus, didn’t you abhor fortune and fame in the first place? Didn’t you dissolve the only band you played in that actually sold records because you couldn’t handle their success? Didn’t you repeatedly wax lyrical on the moral and ethical advantages of not selling records? Didn’t you become a recluse, to renounce the mortal world with all its material trappings, or at least say that you did? WTF, Sami? W T F ???

 

Sami Hynninen reaches out to Ville Valo !

Why buy just once, when you can buy twice? [vol.1]

Sami Hynninen and his lovely friend Jari (aka Earl of Void) have re-released their KLV ep for Record Store Day 2015 (that was yesterday)… Although all the material included had already been available on “Niin Musta On Maa”, the CD that many, many Reverend Bizarre fans ordered from Sami’s good friends in Chile, but few actually received, or saw a refund for.

klv

 

So, now that good and kind Sami has decked his faraway friends with enough cash to live the good life and take annual trips to the Roadburn Festival with, the time has finally come for the artists to make some money as well…

You can reward Sami and Jari for getting you ripped off and then saying they had nothing to do with it by buying KLV’s “Valkeus” ep from Levykauppa X:

http://www.recordshopx.com/svart_records/single/klv/valkeus/

which also sells the original Emissary records CD:

http://www.levykauppax.fi/artist/klv/niin_musta_on_maa/

So, which one should you go for? Hmm, decisions, decisions… Get them both, we here at DWA say… Nothing is as fulfilling as lining the pockets of greedy irresponsible “artists”.

Why buy just once, when you can buy twice? [vol.1]

Shock and Awe! Notoriously Reclusive Artist to Perform Live !

Shy introvert Sami Albert Hynninen, who forsook the corrupt mortal world to stay at home and have mindless arguments on facebook, will be gracing the stage with his new flight of fancy, Tähtiportti, this coming weekend:

https://www.facebook.com/events/1553243108284720/

Sami and his new best friends (TM) will be taking to the stage of Ääniwalli, Helsinki, where they will be able to astound the gathered masses with faithful renditions of songs from their Svart-released debut (and most likely only) album, plus, possibly, some surprise tracks. We say “faithful renditions”, as, due to the electronic/programmed nature of the “music”, any and all allusions to “playing live” are… funny, to say the least.

Sami very helpfully posted all relevant info on his facebook page, which he loves so much, including a direct link to the online ticket merchant tiketti.fi, where those interested in attending this groundbreaking event can purchase tickets at the click of a button. Isn’t it great, making things easy for your fans, instead of asking them to pay triple postage so you can “have something released in Chile”, Sami? Always nice to see people learning things all the way to the mature age of 39.

If you’re living in Finland, or willing to travel, you can part with your cash here:

http://www.tiketti.fi/Valonkantajat-julkaisujuhla-Tahtiportti-Live-Aaniwalli-lippuja/31116

We hope the creative minds of the finnish TV world are aware of this momentous circumstance, and realize on time what a “Get Him To The Greek”-styled documentary is waiting to be filmed in the next 48 hours…

The staff of Doomwatchers Anonymous unfortunately cannot make it to the concert, but we have arranged to spend saturday evening at home, reading old interviews where Sami is whining about how he loathes playing live in front of a paying audience. F**k it, we might even spin an old Reverend Bizarre record, to complete the experience.

Break a leg, Sami! Our thoughts are with you, as always…

Shock and Awe! Notoriously Reclusive Artist to Perform Live !

Reverend Bizarre Wanker Badge Now Available !

Remember that limited edition Reverend Bizarre t-shirt, with the image that looked like it was drawn by a 5-year old who got banned from sunday school for picking his nose? Your mum wouldn’t give you the money to buy it because she had already given you a small fortune to send to Sami and Kimi’s friends in Chile, and you had nothing to show for it…

Well, despair not, for Sami has made the design available again, as a patch! Which is surely another indication of the love he has for his fans, and definitely not because he’s a little low on cash or anything.

revof

For as little as 4.90 euros, you can now wear this patch as your badge of honour, so everyone knows you love wanking and Reverend Bizarre… which are not the same thing.

http://www.kvlt.fi/item/reverend_bizarre-bible_onanist-patch

And, if you so desire an appropriately stimulating read while waiting for your patch to pop through your letter box, bringing with it all sorts of kvlt kvdos and joy, have a look at the meaningful and factual discussion under the related post on Sami’s facebook page, proving beyond any doubt that Sami has indeed become a recluse, and shuns all online interaction, and not simply cowardly avoids his own forum anymore:

(click on comments)

Reverend Bizarre Wanker Badge Now Available !