Soon Be Here, Prince of Fap.

The multitudes of fans, well-wishers, admirers and yes-men friends who have flocked to the Opium Warlords facebook page today, to wish a Happy Birthday to Grand Magister Sami Albert Hynninen were faced with a devastating lack of posts in eleven days… A highly unnerving concurrence for a serial facebook-poster like our Sami.

Those of us who have followed his work (and f***-ups) while Reverend Bizarre were actually active (the minority, then) have an additional reason to worry, knowing the significance of the date of three days ago, March 15th, for Albert. Could something bad have happened?

We posed this question in the unofficial Reverend Bizarre forum (which, unlike the official one, is actually quite active), and a user who asked to remain anonymous related a tale involving Albert and several girls in the aftershow party of the most recent Spiritus Mortis gig in Tampere, FI, this last weekend. We say “aftershow party”, but we actually mean “the time when Sami was sitting on his ass, looking dapper and dandy while his bandmates were slaving away, packing up”… Could Sami be still handcuffed to the bedpost of a female fan in picturesque Tampere, and used as a pleasure slave?

We’ll toast to that. Happy Birthday, Sami, wherever you are!

EDIT: Sami finally surfaced in the late afternoon, to post a SM gig review. oof. All is well, then. No sex was harmed in the making of this absence from facebook.

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Soon Be Here, Prince of Fap.

In the Rectory of the Bizarre Unicorn

Jari Pohjonen, formerly also known as Earl of Void, i.e. the drummer in most of Reverend Bizarre’s recorded output (but not a founding member), celebrated his 40th earlier this month, which must be big news, as Peter Vicar interrupted the steady stream of “check out how great they say my new Lard Vicar album is” posts on Reverend Bizarre’s facebook page to let us know about it.

We have a bit more respect for Jari than we do for the other two members of Reverend Bizarre’s last active line-up (which is not saying much really, as the respect we have for those two is nil), so we’ll simply repost the published photos from the event and let you enjoy them, perchance also to draw your own conclusions…

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Kimi Kärki took some valuable time out from trying to explain to reluctant buyers of his new platter that “there is absolutely nothing that can be done” about the disc’s eccentricities (noted in our previous post), to perform some songs and air his feet in some delectably classy sandals…

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We’re not sure what exactly is happening in this photo, but we assume the technician (the less portly man, on the right) is applying autotune to Kimi’s vocals in an attempt to keep the guests from leaving early…

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Possible set inclusions: “By this Tiara I rule”, “The March of the War Unicorns”, “How to burn a CD with no track index”, “Beware of the man with two sandals”.

Happy belated birthday, Jari! 🙂 we mean it…

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It’s still not the end of the world as we know it!

Whoa, what a week! Not only the world did not end on tuesday, despite Albert Witchfinder’s hopes, fears and repeatedly strictly accurate predictions, but also Sami Hynninen hit the four decades mark, as of yesterday…

Sami has accomplished much during his time on this earth, certainly far more than other men twice his age (and half his size), and today he looks to the future with renewed enthusiasm and joie de vivre, new-found maturity and a certain sense of understanding.

Yeah, right. Who are we kidding? He just booked himself a weekend in the UK for easter…

Nevertheless, thanks to the magic of the internet, our associates have access to exclusive Sami Albert photos, with which they worked hard to put together a possible timeline for Sami Albert’s birthday celebrations. ‘Ere we go:

Dawn found him refreshed, in his custom bed linen and beauty mask…

bedtime

He quickly jumped out of bed to enjoy a nutritious breakfast in his space shuttle-themed dining room…

frokost

On with the day’s events! First things first, the garden decorations need to be approved. Even if it’s your birthday…

a garden party

Soon afterwards, a welcome reunion with old friends, who sure bear a certain likeness to ex-members of Reverend Bizarre…

bizarre reunion

And finally wrapping up the celebrations in the strip joint where Tamara works…

panic at the disco

Happy birthday, Sami. Hope you had a great day. Needless to say, we do wish you all the best! 🙂

It’s still not the end of the world as we know it!