Kimi Kärki: a true master of positivity!

Following on from our previous post, there’s a Kimi Kärki tidbit that we’d like to expand on… You see, dear readers, we absolutely do not believe that Kimi Kärki did not know about those re-releases in advance. Not. For. A. Second.

If you read the facebook thread carefully (which he himself posted), it becomes apparent that it was a political move, to placate his record label (with whom he’s releasing another Lord Vicar album this spring -unless Oli effs up again, that is), and diffuse the situation with his former bandmate, Albertino Von Doom…

His parting post speaks volumes to those of us who remember Kimi Kärki as the bigot Peter Vicar, mouthing off on the Hellride forums from the safety of his computer:

 

He “wants to focus on something positive instead”, righty-o. That must have been his saving grace through it all…

Your fans got ripped off by someone who pretended to be your and their friend? Hey, no worries, “focus on something positive instead”! Just remember to tell those who speak the truth to “shut the F**k up” first…

Your new CD is one track? No problems here, send out the faulty CDs and “focus on something positive instead”. Job done, money in the bank!

Your solo albums go from discounted price to discounted price? Absolutely no need to fret whatsoever: “focus on something positive instead”! It just means your “art” is too high profile for the consuming masses. Better unsold, than in the homes of undeserving lowlifes.

Dearest readers, learn from this wise master of positive thinking, and welcome the new year under the spectre of positive focus. And make sure you buy those Reverend Bizarre re-releases from The Church Within. Because Sami and Oli need some positive vibes as well.

Happy new year!

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Kimi Kärki: a true master of positivity!

curb your enthusiasm! lord vicar will not… we repeat, not strip !

Blog readers emailed us this news item, about a “Lord Vicar Superstrip”, and immediately we started looking at flights, keen on the idea of Peter Vicar’s voluptuous figure gyrating to an exquisitely compiled soundtrack, or Chritus working the pole like no one else knows how, his lithe, slithering body moving gracefully to the sound of “Leper, Leprechaun”…

But sadly it turns out it’s just a fancy name for a patch! Meh.

Image

Albert Witchfinder declares love for Suede, asks to join black sabbath !

The idiocy of that idiot is stupendous and monumental! We have no words…

Albert Witchfinder declares love for Suede, asks to join black sabbath !

where in the world is Kimi Kärki !?

It appears we have neglected Kimi Kärki, dear readers… The last post on our favourite online-only alpha-male dates back to March of this year… It’s not our fault, though… Things have been very quiet in the Kärki camp (no pun intended)… His limelight-hogging majesty has not announced any new releases, tours, or tried to hijack an actual artist’s name to sell records in a long, long time.

We miss him, dear readers.

Really, we do.

How did that slogan he liked to end posts with go, again? “Eat Arse, Repeat Mundane”? Or something like that? We’d give anything, anything at all, dear readers, to have another grand artistic statement from our beloved Tamara-worshipping blonde bombshell…

That inimitable sense of style…

That hot bod…

That boyish charm…

Where is he, dear readers? Where is THE ARTIST? Please, help us find him!

where in the world is Kimi Kärki !?

Pussy galore !

Not content with the money he’s raking in from half-price Opium Warlords albums and Reverend Bizarre “slightly improved” reissues, fantastic wizard Sami Albert Hynninen has founded a new band, named after the only thing he has ever loved (besides money and pi**ing on his fans)…

 

True to his artistic vision, his new band’s first release, a song under three minutes in length, was made available to his loyal fanbase for a measly 69 euros… Not even 70! And still cheaper than Magick With Tears!

Although, to be fair, the website does give you the option to pay “more”… Which you should!

You are not a real Sami Albert fan unless you cough up! I mean, where else can you purchase True Art lovingly created under TOTAL CONTROL!?

On a sidenote, does anyone know where we can buy one of those t-shirts with Sami’s “Reverend Bizarre is the most mainstream thing I will ever do?” slogan? We need like a dozen for a party we’re organizing…

Pussy galore !

the devaluation of true art continues…

Wonder boi Sami Albert Hynninen has once again taken to the facebooks to alert his fans (ho hum) about an impressive price decrease on his Opium Warlords album “Taste My Sword of Understanding”…

We did follow the link to the Svart shop, where our jaws dropped at the realisation that the price had actually been almost halved:

Whereupon, dear readers, we raged at this incredible injustice!

Why should a respectable label have to release parp that no one wants to buy, thus forcing them to significantly lower the price?

Why should a true artist, like Sami Albert Hynninen, who insists on TOTAL CONTROL, have to suffer the indiginity of such a disinterest in his work, his labour of love?

And, most importantly, why are there still copies available, two weeks after such an insulting reduction?

Times are hard for True Art, dear readers…

Alas, further confusion awaited us, as we noticed the slight difference in the discount between the black and gold vinyl versions:

 

We staggered in response, as, to us, all of Sami’s work is gold, and also black. Decidedly black!

Please, dear readers, we implore you, empty your pockets and purchase those rare, sought-after items on offer, those fine specimens of Great Art, produced under TOTAL CONTROL!

Let no copy henceforth gather dust on the cold shelves of the record label’s storage unit.

Allow this labour of love to bring hope and enlightenment to your homes!

Let the sounds therein fill you with awe and wonder!

Help poor, poor Sami make some money…

the devaluation of true art continues…