A cure for insomnia

It’s not uncommon to find oneself unable to sleep this summer… The heat, the mosquitos, the excitement and anticipation for the release of Opium Warlords’ Droner may all keep one from shutting those eyelids and laying one’s head to rest…

Yet one should not have to endure their day sleep-deprived in these demanding and stressful times.

But fear not, dear readers, for scientists have pinpointed the new weapon in Morpheus’ arsenal that will get you snoring in no time!

Simply click “play” on this video, and let the blandness work its magic:

Sweet dreams!

A cure for insomnia

renowned cultural historian Kimi Kärki makes it big on Youtube!

While looking for footage from last week’s “acoustic evening”, we stumbled upon this gem where versatile cultural historian Kimi Kärki recites Bob Dylan and urges us to consider the commercialization of protest songs, in a video that captivates, delights and attempts to reconstruct your cerebral cortex… That manic madman’s stare! Ooh-hoo.

As a cultural and emotional counterpoint, here’s one of Kimi’s protest songs:

Some people believe it’s about his pr**k…

renowned cultural historian Kimi Kärki makes it big on Youtube!

Young Goodman Brown-nosing Kimi

Life has been hard for Kimi Kärki, aka Peter Vicar, lately…

The latest opus from his main band, Lord Vicar, originally planned to feature “shorter, punchier songs”, came out on CD as one, long, 41-minute song.

The European tour scheduled for November last year, to support the release, never happened.

The vinyl version of the album, intended to coincide with the tour, has not been seen by anyone anywhere.

His second solo album, “Eye for an eye”, initially listed for release on April 21st, has been “pushed back” to August.

Perhaps worst of all, his ex-bandmate Sami Albert Hynninen, with whom Kimi founded the legendary and prestigious C.O.T.D. / Circle of True Doom, and who claimed that “Reverend Bizarre is the most mainstream thing he will ever do!” (fur realz!), now does the monkey dance live on stage with some Psychedelic Disco troupe.

On a more personal level, poor Kim now plays the stranger in a strange land, living all alone in a small flat in Cleveland, Ohio. Without his family and friends, Kimi spends way too much time on the internet, spamming his facebook “friends” with an interminable array of links and articles, informing everyone and anyone with an internet connection of what he approves and what he does not condone. Apparently, he’s severely unhappy with the political situation in the country that welcomed him. Could someone report this to the appropriate authorities, to end Kimi’s plight?

In the meantime, however, there is something YOU, dear readers, could do, to help cheer sad and lonely Kimi up… For he has an intimate concert scheduled for tonight:

This is Kimi’s only gig that we know of, despite him hoping that a US promoter would book Lord Vicar while he’s there…

Please, dear readers, go spend tonight with Kimi! Help him show the US promoters that he can pull a crowd, and put bums on seats. Put a smile on a long-suffering man’s face.

You don’t really need to listen to whatever he’s going to play (judging by what we’ve heard, neither his voice nor guitar playing are of any value, without the aid of studio trickery). Feel free to take your iPods with you, put your earphones in, and play something to your liking. Just nod along whenever he appears to be addressing you, explaining his “craft”. Shake his hand on your way out, and let him know how you enjoyed it. Commend his “versatile playing”. Assure him you’ll buy the album when it’s out (not a legally binding agreement, rest assured). Pat him on the back and tell him he’s an honest and honourable man. Feign interest in his side-career as a “cultural historian”. Smile wide, and make Kimi feel like a King for a Day. He has the Fool for a Lifetime part sorted.

Young Goodman Brown-nosing Kimi

the curse of Magick with Tears

In a bizarre (but probably planned) twist, two albums by ex-members of the Bizarre Reverend were both scheduled for release on April 21st… Kimi Kärki’s “Eye for an Eye”, and Tähtiportti‘s “Superdepressio” 12″ LP , both on Svart Records. Perhaps they were hoping to do a “buy one get one free” deal?

Yet the date kept getting closer, and there were no details, no artwork revealed, no pre-orders, naught.

It eventually emerged that Kimi’s second solo album was “pushed back to August 18”, while Tähtiportti‘s might have come out last week. We don’t know, as they are not sure, either:

Which led us to wonder… Could the shroud of Reverend Bizarre’s penultimate release, “Magick with Tears”, be weighing over them still, getting their newer efforts “delayed”?

Allow us to remind you that the last Lord Vicar was also “delayed” (a story in itself, which you can read elsewhere in this blog), and, when it finally came out, the “delay” was comparatively a minor problem. Ditto with its vinyl release, originally announced for November last year, and still “forthcoming” six months later…

Opium Warlords’ “Droner” is also stuck in a rut somewhere, as Sami keeps adding/removing/editing stuff on it (a process known to the recording cognoscenti as “farting on microphones”), no release on the horizon. Not that we need a copy of it anytime soon or anything.

But could we be forgiven for spotting the pattern here? Magick with Tears’ 10th anniversary is approaching, with no justice of any kind for the ripped-off fans, while those who benefited from the scam (or, shall we say, “long con”?) are still enjoying the fruits of their deception, some of them a little closer geographically now than then…

the curse of Magick with Tears

A giant dump of greatness this way comes!

The entire recorded output of Kimi Kärki, aka Peter Vicar, aka Red-Rooster-holder, was released today on a single disc, as a single track.

Momentous leaps in technology achieved by Turku-based IT giant CoproTech made it possible to fit each and every song Kimi every recorded on a single disc, with no index numbers, which went on sale today as part of Sfart Records’ The Easter Bunny Presents budget-priced music collection.

Fans will be able to stick the CD in their player, lie back and enjoy Peter’s evolution as composer, singer and guitar player in an endless mind-bending journey…

According to the artist’s own press release, “What this means is that these albums have to be listened as a continuous journey, not album here, album there. This is at least the way I prefer it to be experienced, and as the discography takes only a bit more than a few days to listen, it’s not a huge test in patience, even in today’s world. Just close your eyes and try not to doze off!!!”

This special release is sadly not available on itunes.

EDIT, April 3rd 2017: This post was our feeble attempt at an April Fools. Obviously, if such technology existed, it would have been adopted by artists who actually shift units, not an ex-member of Reverend Bizarre. Our apologies to those who manifestly got excited in the comments section.

A giant dump of greatness this way comes!

Sami Albert Hynninen has the right not to go to the beach!

In a typically cryptic post on a typical data mining operation, his enlightened majesty Sami Albert of Hynninen posted a link to a preview song from Spiritus Mortis’ forthcoming album, “The Year is One”, followed by what initially seemed like the incoherent ramblings of a deranged mind…

beach

Upon closer scrutiny, however, we realized those are actually the lyrics to the song, that typically cryptic Sami decided in a bizarre twist to share with us. We have to admit those lyrics are possibly the most open and personal we have read from Sami. We also have to admit they don’t match the song, at least to our ears. Perhaps Sami should have kept them for one of his solo projects, where the musical value is undermined anyway.

And if Sami ever wants to “have been in Heaven”, we heartily recommend a trip to Chile, where the weather is sunny and the girls won’t steal your money. Now that Tamara no longer lives there.

Sami Albert Hynninen has the right not to go to the beach!

The stories behind the songs: Lord Vicar’s “A Woman Out of Snow”

Here’s a video of Kimi Kärki performing at the Doom Over Scania festival a coupla months ago. Lord Vicar were booked to play, but three of their members got sick while in London (some sort of sorcery, no doubt), and so generous Kimi “offered” to play a solo gig instead.

They wouldn’t have him otherwise.

Before he launches into this masterpiece of modern folk, Kimi relates the story behind the song, the full band version of which will feature on Lord Vicar’s forthcoming album “The Gates of Flesh”.

Four things we learned from this video:

1. Kimi rips off Amorphis for lyrical subject matter. But he attributes it to their common ancestry and his extensive knowledge of the Kalevala. Probably.

2. Albert Witchfinder has copulated with frozen water. We could feign surprise, but we can’t be bothered.

3. No one sings the lyrics along with poor, poor Kimi. Of course, one could claim that this is due to the album not being out yet, but go ahead and check out other videos of Kimi playing “solo” and let us know if you find one with audience participation.

4. Kimi closes his eyes while he sings, but opens them in order to hit those difficult harmonics at the end. Oh well. Once an emotional virtuoso, always an emotional virtuoso.

Enjoy the video, and join us again once the album is released. Ho ho ho.

Video