albert witchfinder talks penis !

Read and learn from sacred scripture of a true master on the subject:

He meditates under the big vulva in the sky on a daily basis, you know…

albert witchfinder talks penis !

Opium Warlords’ droner opus will soon be available to download!

…as The Artist who “likes to keep TOTAL CONTROL!” (did you notice the ALL CAPS? that’s because he means it!), recently confirmed the end of the laboured process:


After over three years of threading the Emperor’s Newer Clothes, The Artist understandably needs to celebrate accordingly and blow off some steam…

And what better way to do so, than to perform at a double-whammy of shows with camp troupe Tähtiportti?


Because, you see, some monkeys like to dance under TOTAL CONTROL!

Opium Warlords’ droner opus will soon be available to download!

The division of labour according to Lord Vicar.

Lord Vicar have been hard at work trying to recreate the success levels of Kimi’s previous band for the third time, and since they’re not recluses like Sami, they have been very generous with their facebook posts…

Through them, we learn that drums, bass and guitars are all in the can.

Let’s have a look at exactly how it all went down…

Drummer recording drums. Good with us.


Drummer recording bass. Even better. Won’t be just root notes this time.


Serial muncher posing with bass. Mmmkay. Whatever keeps him from the donut box.


Wait a minute! I hear you ask… Where was the bass player in all this?

Ah, right.


We literally can’t wait for the new album. Not only will there be real bass this time, but also the lack of new episodes of The Office (UK, of course) has left us wanting some dapper comedy.


All work and no play makes Jackass a dull boy

In two almost consecutive facebook posts (-Two more facebook posts? Are you sure he’s a recluse, Gandalf? -That’s what he says, Frodo, so it must be true…), dull boy Sami Albert Hynninen has compared recording vocals for Spiritus Mortis to “work” that he would rather avoid, while maintaining that he’s “waiting for [the recording of vocals for Tähtiportti] with delight and excitement!”.

Hypocrisy? Yes, we think so. “As it should be clear to everyone who has been following his updates/posts on this site”.

doom over the work

All work and no play makes Jackass a dull boy

Uncertainty looms over the recording of “Droner” !

An unnerving lack of updates with regards to the making of “Droner”, Opium Warlords’ magnum opus, has thrown the fanbase into a maelstrom of confusion and speculation, driving them to tears.

“Everything was going great”, says Pölhö Kanamainen, supreme magister of the upper inner circle of the lower outer casket of the unofficial Opium Warlords fan club. “Sami was transcending his reclusivity to keep us up to date, with frequent facebook posts, detailing the creation process of his new masterpiece. We understand the lead, “folk” and recitation vocals have been recorded, edited and autotuned, the percussions nailed in the coffin, the toy glockenspiel parts performed to Sami’s inimitable standard. And then, nothing. No recording updates in over a month!”, concludes Pölhö, with a clear resignation, anxiety and sadness.

Dear readers, please help us help Pölhö… tell us what you know. Have the tap dancing parts been completed? The all-important percussive buttock slaps? The trademark farting on microphones? Or is Sami taking a well-deserved break from the pain and anguish of creation to meditate under some pussy again?

If you know the answer to any of the above, please, we urge you, do not hesitate to contact us. But be considerate of Sami’s undeniable reclusivity and do not enquire with him. Please. Allow him the space he needs in such testing times.

“Peace and Love”

recitation vocals

Uncertainty looms over the recording of “Droner” !