Celebrating 43 years of a noble and dignified life…

Join us, dear readers, as we once again turn the spotlight on a wonderful creature…

Kimi Kärki, formerly known as Peter Vicar, the frontman of Reverend Bizarre, Orne, E-Musikgruppe Lux Ohr, Uhrijuhla, Annankatu Five, Kalastaja, Kasarmin Valo and numerous other successful bands and projects, collaborator of Procession and best friend and benefactor of Tamara Abarzua, former A&R of Emissary Records, came into this world out of a certain orifice, exactly 43 years ago…

where the wild roses grow

The man, the legend who reportedly turned down careers both in the Finnish military, but also the modelling industry, to concentrate on his one true love… making mone… err, no, we mean, music.

How could anyone not fall in love immediately with such a gorgeous man?

kiss me I'm famous

On this momentous and monumental occasion, let us revisit some of Kim’s special moments…

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we’ll start with Kimi’s penchant for calling anyone who disagrees with him online an “internet commando”, while he himself bravely and courageously threatens people a coupla continents and oceans away from the safety of his computer:

nine years of justice prevailing

We’re guessing “Peter Vicar” must have misplaced his passport for the past nine years or so, unfortunately hindering his chances of travelling, booking tours, or holidaying in Ionian sea islands… mmmhm. Poor, poor thing. Not to mention that Chile is a long way away, you can’t really plan for the weather, strange customs, etc.

Moving on, let’s consider another classic moment… How  do you get rid of faulty CDs? Simple, you keep schtum, open pre-orders, send the faulty discs out and claim “there is absolutely nothing that can be done”…

there's still one bill left to pay, Kim

And finally, who cannot love an ode to one’s private parts?

Leaving you on that uplifting musical note, we wholeheartedly wish Kimi a very happy birthday… May idiots snatch all those faulty CDs on this special day, at full price, so you don’t have to sell them bargain-priced on tour…

Celebrating 43 years of a noble and dignified life…

Lord Vicar to attempt another CD pressing!

Lord Vicar have annouced the release of their next album, The Black Powder, on the respectable The Church Within label. You know, the kind that goes behind artists’ backs to re-release sure-sellers, or which sends out faulty CDs to those who were naive enough to pre-order…

Will the CD version of the album be a fan-pleasing single track one again, or will the otherwise resilient Kimi Kärki succumb to industry pressure and allow his fans to pick tracks this time?

We’ll find out just this May!

In the meantime, let’s feast our hungry eyes on some really, really cool photos from the production of said masterpiece…

And we start with this one, a highly artistic representation of two musicians and the artist affectionately known as “Blonde Ambition”:

XL fridge

Whoever managed to distract Kimi for a few moments to take this picture, while he was surrounded by snacks and other edibles, is a master of persuasion. Deep bow!

Here is Kimi again, pulling the same face he did when Oli told him about the succesful pressing of their previous album, Gates of Flesh, which was intended to be “deliberately shorter than previous albums”, with “shorter, punchier songs”. But wasn’t.

aaarghhh

Moving on, a snapshot from the recording of The Black Powder:

oh No No please No

We love the look on Chritus’ face, bracing himself for the inevitable moment when Kimi might open his mouth to “sing”. Lol.

And finally, presumably an instance of the album’s playback:

oops I did it again

Some people don’t learn from past mistakes. It’s sad…

Lord Vicar to attempt another CD pressing!

gratuitous nachos commercial

muncho villa

Kimi Kärki, chief lyricist of renowned COTD Doom Metal band Lord Vicar (and formerly the frontman of Reverend Bizarre), recommends a diet full of carbs and processed food for a healthy lyric-writing process… Nothing like an influx of useless calories of no nutritional value to stimulate whatever limited braincells you have and open the gates of existential poetry!

gratuitous nachos commercial

curb your enthusiasm! lord vicar will not… we repeat, not strip !

Blog readers emailed us this news item, about a “Lord Vicar Superstrip”, and immediately we started looking at flights, keen on the idea of Peter Vicar’s voluptuous figure gyrating to an exquisitely compiled soundtrack, or Chritus working the pole like no one else knows how, his lithe, slithering body moving gracefully to the sound of “Leper, Leprechaun”…

But sadly it turns out it’s just a fancy name for a patch! Meh.

Image

where in the world is Kimi Kärki !?

It appears we have neglected Kimi Kärki, dear readers… The last post on our favourite online-only alpha-male dates back to March of this year… It’s not our fault, though… Things have been very quiet in the Kärki camp (no pun intended)… His limelight-hogging majesty has not announced any new releases, tours, or tried to hijack an actual artist’s name to sell records in a long, long time.

We miss him, dear readers.

Really, we do.

How did that slogan he liked to end posts with go, again? “Eat Arse, Repeat Mundane”? Or something like that? We’d give anything, anything at all, dear readers, to have another grand artistic statement from our beloved Tamara-worshipping blonde bombshell…

That inimitable sense of style…

That hot bod…

That boyish charm…

Where is he, dear readers? Where is THE ARTIST? Please, help us find him!

where in the world is Kimi Kärki !?

things are looking up for lord vicar !

Just as the writers of this blog are slowly recovering from our much-needed winter retreat in the outskirts of picturesque Stöde in Sweden, doom metal behemoths Lord Vicar are springing back into action by playing two gigs later this month: The first one in C.O.T.D. stronghold Bologna, IT and the second in world-renowned mecca of trad doom, Basel, CH.

These are the first Lardy shows in a while, the previous ones being a while back and a few months apart. This lack of live action has severely unnerved long-term Lard Vicar fans, who are keen on seeing plump guitarist Kimi Kärki try to recreate his heavily pro-tooled guitar parts live while a drunk scarecrow recites his laughable lyrics on fantasy concepts like bravery and courage.

Surely this great band of veteran doom legends could tour, no? In the absence of a full-on LV tour in a long while, we hired a well-established poll-conducting agency, who took to the streets, metal gigs and fast food joints and asked the pertinent question: “Why don’t Lord Vicar tour anymore?”.

While they undertake the herculean task of the statistical analysis, we cherry pick some answers, completely at random:

“A band who opens pre-orders for a CD they know is faulty, then sends it out to those fans who prepaid for it in good faith and say “there’s nothing that can be done” might find it difficult to convince promoters of their integrity, honesty, and work ethic…” -Sandrine, 22, Finland

“The only reason I went to see Lord Vicar -once!- was because I heard Sami Albert was playing bass, but turns out he wasn’t there actually. I had a few beers and went home to listen to Saint Vitus.” -Miguel, 34, Catalonia

“Lindearson’s alcoholic rider demands makes it difficult for any promoter to make a profit from a Lord Vicar show. 26 tickets can’t pay for an ocean of booze!” -Anonymous promoter, 56, [location withheld]

“Since they lost my tutelage, all ex members of Reverend Bizarre have found themselves struggling in all sorts of ways… It’s sad. All I ask for is a coupla blowjobs and we can be friends again.” -Rich, 80, UK

“It’s Karma, mate. They badmouthed me in their forum, now they can’t sell s**t. Serves them right, too!” -Pato, 49, Chile

The writers of this blog wholeheartedly wish Lord Vicar a 29-day trek across Europe, a long awaited South American tour, and a headline slot in Burning Man 2019… Make it happen, Kim!

things are looking up for lord vicar !

a special christmas message

Kind readers,

this Christmas,

while you are surrounded by family

and friends,

please spare a thought

for those

less fortunate ones,

who play gigs to no one.

a special christmas message

men in black: C.O.T.D. version

“Look right here. You did not pay in good faith for a faulty disc. No, you didn’t.”

Image

standing on the shoulders of giants

As you might be aware, if you follow trendy social networking sites, Kimi Kärki’s second solo album, “Eye for an Eye”, came out last week to rapturous applause by… ehhm, Kimi’s mates, mostly. Among the album’s nine (that’s 9!) tracks, just the one features a guest appearance from Patrick Walker, singer/songwriter of Warning and 40 Watt Sun, which is something Kimi wants to make sure everyone knows about:

With such repetitive bashing on the head, one could be forgiven for thinking that this is actually a Patrick Walker release (for which Kimi is simply collecting the royalties, natch!). Which might as well be what the latter wants.

And yet, we’re just cherry-picking here, as we’d need an entire blog to include all instances where the artist formerly known as Peter Vicar casually name-dropped Pat while pimping his new album… But those examples are enough to give you an idea of the lengths some people are willing to go to, to shift some more units.

You didn’t see as many mentions of the other guests on the album, for example, did you? That’s because, unlike Warning and 40 Watt Sun, they actually sell LESS (if any) copies than Kimi, and therefore do not qualify as platforms in Dr. Kärki’s cunning marketing plan…

Rumours that the japanese pressing (ho! ho!) of the album will include a cover of “With a Little Help from my Friends” have not been confirmed as of going to press…

Image

Kimi Kärki manages to release “Eye for an Eye” !

After a pathetically pathetic year and a half, including a “delayed” and faulty CD version of Lord Vicar’s “Gates of Flesh”, an LP version of the same album that has been rescheduled more times than we care to count, and a “pushed back” release date for “Eye for an Eye” itself, Kimi Kärki’s second solo album WAS released last friday…

 

We don’t know what’s more fancy, the gatefold cover or that lovely wallpaper in Kimi’s music room…

Naturally, the artist formerly known as Peter Vicar spammed the same post on other facebook profiles he controls as well, including the Reverend Bizarre page:

 

Because Kim might not need a mask anymore, but he certainly craves the success his old band once had, a success that he has failed to reach himself in nearly a decade…

The same info was of course also rehashed on Lord Vicar’s page:

 

…although we’d venture that Lord Vicar fans might have appreciated an update on the much-maligned “Gates of Flesh” vinyl instead…

But Kimi always looks on the bright side of things, the good things in life. Is the LV vinyl you pre-ordered delayed AGAIN? Why not purchase “Eye for an Eye” while you’re waiting? Here’s the link, by your selectively informative friend, Dr. Kärki…

Congrats on making at least one release happen, Peter! We’re so proud of you! And we’ll be back to discuss some more things in the not too distant future…

Kimi Kärki manages to release “Eye for an Eye” !