lord vicar don’t fail to disappoint!

So, while our writers were absorbed elsewhere, Lord Vicar finally sneaked out their vinyl version of “Gates of Flesh”… Turns out the “something special and never seen before in the Doom metal history” is a piece of cardboard that folds out as you open the vinyl sleeve. We’re not kidding:

No doubt this seems fascinating if you are a village boy from Finland who got lucky and rode the broomstick of (relative) success for like 14 minutes on the back of someone else.

We imagine the executive meeting that led to this idea along the lines of…

Kimi Kärki: This would look so cool! All our 5-year-old-brained fans will love it!

Oliver Richleech: wunderbar! Can someone handle the pressing plant this time so I don’t eff up again?

Chrisis Lindarseon: Great idea Kim! I love being in this band! Really, I do!

Milly: Woo-Hoo!

New Bass Player: *claps along*

Jussi Mypeabrainoski: Hey, look! A donut!

Dilbert Whorefinder: *cringe* That’s not esoteric or enlightened enough, otherwise I would have thought of it first! Ha!

Our sincerest condolences to all those who parted with money for this fancy cardboard DIY project.

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lord vicar don’t fail to disappoint!

Sami Albert Hynninen can’t wait to leave Spiritus Mortis.

The good man wants to shed his trad doom skin, so he can concentrate on gifting us more “music” with Tähtiportti. And maybe finish that Opium Warlords album that he’s been making since before we started this blog. Maybe. You can’t rush greatness.

 

Once you’ve had the taste of honey (no, we don’t mean Tamara) in your mouth, it’s easy to forget how you got where you are.

Sami Albert Hynninen can’t wait to leave Spiritus Mortis.

renowned cultural historian Kimi Kärki makes it big on Youtube!

While looking for footage from last week’s “acoustic evening”, we stumbled upon this gem where versatile cultural historian Kimi Kärki recites Bob Dylan and urges us to consider the commercialization of protest songs, in a video that captivates, delights and attempts to reconstruct your cerebral cortex… That manic madman’s stare! Ooh-hoo.

As a cultural and emotional counterpoint, here’s one of Kimi’s protest songs:

Some people believe it’s about his pr**k…

renowned cultural historian Kimi Kärki makes it big on Youtube!

“you have reached the Lord Vicar customer services, how can I be of assistance?”

A blog visitor linked us to this exchange which happened on the Lord Vicar facebook page:

Surely, such customer service skills are putting several multinational corporations to shame.

However, we cannot help but think that Lardy is getting softer with age… What happened to the stern, strong man, The Spartan, who, just a few months ago, unashamedly told unsuspecting, trusting buyers that “there is absolutely nothing that can be done”? Why didn’t Lardy casually inform this infidel that “this is the way they prefer it to be experienced”? Why didn’t he stress the importance of being “listened as a continuous journey, not track here, track there”? Surely, if he wanted to play Lord Vicar’s tunes as a dj, he could play the whole thing, no? “It’s not a huge test in patience” or anything!

Those youngsters cannot be relied upon to be C.O.T.D., but if we cannot depend on a C.O.T.D. veteran to show them the way, then what is left? Accidents, a Green-Loving Man who is becoming a shadow of himself?

Sad, really.

“you have reached the Lord Vicar customer services, how can I be of assistance?”

The Reverend’s Bizarre fascination with Flesh continues…

Reverend Bizarre posted a photo of an indecently underdressed, bleached blonde, severely made-up and pouting female on their facebook page, as she appears to be wearing the shreds of what used to be a band t-shirt…

kiss me Sami

Predictably, there was a flurry of comments by RB fans who wished to express their appreciation for the depicted merchandise model, but apparently the minds behind Reverend Bizarre (we’re using this combination of words reluctantly) were not pleased, and made their displeasure known…

effort

This is not the first time the gentlemanly (and occasionally feminist) members of RB jump to the defense of a female who has ripped their band name to shreds (although this time a bit more literally), but we can’t help gawping in astonishment… What did they actually expect when they were posting such a photo?

righty

Image

Reverend Bizarre Wanker Badge Now Available !

Remember that limited edition Reverend Bizarre t-shirt, with the image that looked like it was drawn by a 5-year old who got banned from sunday school for picking his nose? Your mum wouldn’t give you the money to buy it because she had already given you a small fortune to send to Sami and Kimi’s friends in Chile, and you had nothing to show for it…

Well, despair not, for Sami has made the design available again, as a patch! Which is surely another indication of the love he has for his fans, and definitely not because he’s a little low on cash or anything.

revof

For as little as 4.90 euros, you can now wear this patch as your badge of honour, so everyone knows you love wanking and Reverend Bizarre… which are not the same thing.

http://www.kvlt.fi/item/reverend_bizarre-bible_onanist-patch

And, if you so desire an appropriately stimulating read while waiting for your patch to pop through your letter box, bringing with it all sorts of kvlt kvdos and joy, have a look at the meaningful and factual discussion under the related post on Sami’s facebook page, proving beyond any doubt that Sami has indeed become a recluse, and shuns all online interaction, and not simply cowardly avoids his own forum anymore:

(click on comments)

Reverend Bizarre Wanker Badge Now Available !