renowned cultural historian Kimi Kärki makes it big on Youtube!

While looking for footage from last week’s “acoustic evening”, we stumbled upon this gem where versatile cultural historian Kimi Kärki recites Bob Dylan and urges us to consider the commercialization of protest songs, in a video that captivates, delights and attempts to reconstruct your cerebral cortex… That manic madman’s stare! Ooh-hoo.

As a cultural and emotional counterpoint, here’s one of Kimi’s protest songs:

Some people believe it’s about his pr**k…

renowned cultural historian Kimi Kärki makes it big on Youtube!

20 Buck Spin

Apparently hookers in Lohja go for as low as $20…

Let us take a minute to say that it does indeed pain us that more and more Reverend Bizarre stuff finds its way to bargain bins around the world. Such a real shame, that TRUE ART by ARTISTS who “like to keep TOTAL CONTROL!” gets depreciated. So, so sad. So very, very sad. *sigh* O Tempora O Mores.

Image

A giant dump of greatness this way comes!

The entire recorded output of Kimi Kärki, aka Peter Vicar, aka Red-Rooster-holder, was released today on a single disc, as a single track.

Momentous leaps in technology achieved by Turku-based IT giant CoproTech made it possible to fit each and every song Kimi every recorded on a single disc, with no index numbers, which went on sale today as part of Sfart Records’ The Easter Bunny Presents budget-priced music collection.

Fans will be able to stick the CD in their player, lie back and enjoy Peter’s evolution as composer, singer and guitar player in an endless mind-bending journey…

According to the artist’s own press release, “What this means is that these albums have to be listened as a continuous journey, not album here, album there. This is at least the way I prefer it to be experienced, and as the discography takes only a bit more than a few days to listen, it’s not a huge test in patience, even in today’s world. Just close your eyes and try not to doze off!!!”

This special release is sadly not available on itunes.

EDIT, April 3rd 2017: This post was our feeble attempt at an April Fools. Obviously, if such technology existed, it would have been adopted by artists who actually shift units, not an ex-member of Reverend Bizarre. Our apologies to those who manifestly got excited in the comments section.

A giant dump of greatness this way comes!

“you have reached the Lord Vicar customer services, how can I be of assistance?”

A blog visitor linked us to this exchange which happened on the Lord Vicar facebook page:

Surely, such customer service skills are putting several multinational corporations to shame.

However, we cannot help but think that Lardy is getting softer with age… What happened to the stern, strong man, The Spartan, who, just a few months ago, unashamedly told unsuspecting, trusting buyers that “there is absolutely nothing that can be done”? Why didn’t Lardy casually inform this infidel that “this is the way they prefer it to be experienced”? Why didn’t he stress the importance of being “listened as a continuous journey, not track here, track there”? Surely, if he wanted to play Lord Vicar’s tunes as a dj, he could play the whole thing, no? “It’s not a huge test in patience” or anything!

Those youngsters cannot be relied upon to be C.O.T.D., but if we cannot depend on a C.O.T.D. veteran to show them the way, then what is left? Accidents, a Green-Loving Man who is becoming a shadow of himself?

Sad, really.

“you have reached the Lord Vicar customer services, how can I be of assistance?”

the season to be merry, make believe and spread misinformation…

We would like to apologize for the somewhat long delay since our last post, but we have been researching the influx of graphic designers from impoverished South American countries in Sweden. Purely for academic purposes.

Meanwhile, wonder boy Sami Albert Hynninen released his second (and, by his own word, last) album with finnish behemoths Spiritus Mortis (more on which in a separate post), while the long-awaited vinyl version of Lord Vicar’s “The Gates of Flesh” (scheduled for last November) has not materialised… Perhaps they’re still looking for a way to press it as a single track? Try 24″ vinyl, boys!

Good things are afoot, as well, with Sami finally reaching the end of the recording for the next Opium “We don’t sell any records so they’re all on sale on the Svart website” Warlords, preparing to tour with SM, and reportedly turning down a job as The Grinch in his hometown, while Kimi “Peter Vicar” Kärki is packing his bags with a view to going where… plenty others have gone before, and follow the historical trail of Christopher Columbus. We’ll have plenty to say for all that too, once we’re done with our mince pies.

For the moment, dear readers, feast yourselves on two recent tidbits who attempt to pull the wool over your eyes and re-write history. Both typical passtimes for ex-members of the Bizarre Reverend.

First, it was Sami who gifted us some wintertime mirth, with a bold statement:

Yes, that’s right, the man who single-handedly delayed Spiritus Mortis’ “The Year is Zero” by a good two years, while he was pursuing his unashamed dreams of pop stardom now claims to “serve the purposes of the band, not the purposes of [himself]”. Righty-o. Ding Dong. Ho Ho Ho.

Feeling the pressure to one-up his (twice) former bandmate on the “not exactly the truth” scales, Lil’ Kim soon followed this up with a quote from a Lard Vicar review, where he’s proclaimed to be “the man behind Reverend Bizarre”. We did our lols here.

the-man-behind-the-curtain

True, he did not say it himself, but by quoting it on his band page, without the necessary (ask Sami) clarifications, he’s perpetuating the lie. A well-known technique for misinformation, previously practiced by a bitter old man from Yorkshire.

And with this, dear readers, we’ll sign off for the year (probably). Happy holidays!

the season to be merry, make believe and spread misinformation…

Kimi Kärki really wants to sell you his misprint CDs!

Following on from our previous post, to which Lord Vicar and/or their record label have not replied, here’s a selective history of Kimi Kärki’s attempts to flog you those misprint CDs, you know, the ones where you can’t actually select a track like on 99.9% of other CDs…

We say “selective”, as we’re leaving out certain posts, and all “reviews”. We do have a few issues to pick with some of the reviews, but that’s perhaps a story for another day…

So, here’s the first tidbit, barely a week after the “all CDs are misprints but we’ve already sent them out anyway and there’s absolutely nothing to be done about it” announcement:

wish

“Wish they all got the new album” is a bit of a wishful thinking, Kimi Kärki, especially as you have never sold 7400 copies of ANYTHING you’ve made post-Reverend Bizarre. We doubt your cumulative record sales hit that number.

Also interesting to note that the post about the misprint did not show on Lord Vicar’s fans’ feed. Coincidence, or another cunning trick by a desperate has-been? We know which one our money’s on…

Two more weeks later…

break like the wind

Again, no mention of the eccentricities of “the new album on CD”. Those rags sure look cool, though. We need some to dust our office shelves with.

A month later, sales presumably still lacking in numbers, here’s another reminder of where you can get “Birth of Wine” from. You won’t be able to listen to it as a standalone track, though. A fact that’s somehow omitted from the post. Ho hum.

whine

A look on the Church Within / Doom Dealer website tells us that there’s no mention whatsoever about the CD’s one-track mind there, either, the tracklisting is still divided in individual tracks, as it should have been on the CD, BUT ISN’T, while the now ridiculous “Deliberately shorter than previous albums, the band sought to concentrate their trademark heaviness into shorter, punchier songs” promo blurb has been left anyway, possibly in a vague attempt to disguise facts… Sad, actually.

blurb

We saved the best for last:

collector's delight

Nothing to add, really. If anyone finds a missing spine in the general Turku area, please contact the blog and we’ll do our best to reunite it with its former owner.

Kimi Kärki really wants to sell you his misprint CDs!

An open letter to Lord Vicar and The Church Within Records / Doom Dealer.

First of all, here’s a timeline of the delayed release of Lord Vicar’s “The Gates of Flesh”, on The Church Within Records, and available via the label’s distro, Doom Dealer (DE):

quality first

patience

celebrate you fools!

as ye give ye shall receiveth

absolutely no spine

cult item

So, upon receiving the CDs, Oliver Richling opened one on the spot, “as always […] to check everything with his pressing plants”, thus he spotted the booklets, but he did not put an actual CD in a CD player? Neither right then, nor at any time from the 27th of May until the 17th of June? The actual music is not part of the “everything” he needs to check?

That’s not just hard to believe, it’s impossible to fathom. Reverend Bizarre had a well-documented history of checking and re-checking their releases before they’re actually released (and at least a few instances when this was not applied, to their -and their fans’- detriment), and a similar ethic has been evident on all post-RB releases that involved either Kimi or Sami.

But we guess, it was easier just to deceive the fans who had bought the album on pre-sales, send the packages out with no notice or option given, and then say “the packets are on their way, there is absolutely nothing that can be done”…

Going on, the band’s press release includes some more damage control, in the form of  “This is at least the way we prefer it to be experienced, and […] it’s not a huge test in patience, even in today’s world. Just close your eyes and play on eleven!!!”.

What was the point in making the songs “deliberately shorter and punchier” then? Who are you trying to fool this time, Kimi Kärki ?

While  shortchanging his fans is nothing new for Peter Vicar, who allowed thieves to rip off his fans and then sat back and did “absolutely nothing” (sound familiar?), we expected a bit more professionalism from you, Oli. You seemed like a genuine person, whenever we chatted over your merch table… Why could you not inform those who purchased the album on pre-orders, instead of sending them the CD and hiding behind Kimi’s “there’s absolutely nothing that can be done”?

Boo, hiss, etc, etc.

An open letter to Lord Vicar and The Church Within Records / Doom Dealer.