a special christmas message

Kind readers,

this Christmas,

while you are surrounded by family

and friends,

please spare a thought

for those

less fortunate ones,

who play gigs to no one.

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a special christmas message

Endless November

Not since the crusades have men ventured out on such a noble cause. The 2015 Lord Vicar tour starts today! Round Midnight. In Paris. See what we did there?

Please study their itinerary carefully, and, if they’re playing in, or passing through, your city, we advise you do your bakery shopping as early as possible.

Somewhat spectacularly, they are joined by none other than Lohja bedroom pinup boy, most generous benefactor, eeny wheeny miney mo and blog favourite Sami Albert Hynninen on bass!

Sneaky Peter Vicar has managed to get the other Reverend Bizarre member in his band, too. Machiavelli rubs his hands with glee in the Asphodel Meadows, while Satan, laughing, spreads his wings…

Don Alberto made the announcement on his exquisitely reclusive facebook page, and followed up with at least two more posts, and countless comments afterwards. There’s no denying the boy’s excited.

There has been no official announcement on Lordy Lard’s page, however. Could there be more to that story? What’s with keeping lineup changes under wraps? Are they embarrassed to have a musician of Albert’s calibre and lofty status in the band? Some sad twat posted about it in their official forum, but there’s been no commentary there, either. We’re pretty sure they’ll be posting when the album’s available to buy, though.

Sadly, and according to Sami, they won’t be performing RB tunes on the tour, as Kimi likes to think that their Paris gig sold out because his band is getting bigger and better and that those who bought tickets are going to the gig to see himself, giving those “solos” he recorded by moonlight a go.

Anyway. Have fun if you do attend a gig (we’re not being sarcastic). And buy Albert a drink. Ideally before the show.

Endless November

The division of labour according to Lord Vicar.

Lord Vicar have been hard at work trying to recreate the success levels of Kimi’s previous band for the third time, and since they’re not recluses like Sami, they have been very generous with their facebook posts…

Through them, we learn that drums, bass and guitars are all in the can.

Let’s have a look at exactly how it all went down…

Drummer recording drums. Good with us.

milly

Drummer recording bass. Even better. Won’t be just root notes this time.

millby

Serial muncher posing with bass. Mmmkay. Whatever keeps him from the donut box.

socks

Wait a minute! I hear you ask… Where was the bass player in all this?

Ah, right.

pole

We literally can’t wait for the new album. Not only will there be real bass this time, but also the lack of new episodes of The Office (UK, of course) has left us wanting some dapper comedy.

Image

Pleased to Meat you !

While perusing the informative and illuminating Opium Warlords facebook page, which never ceases to intrigue, challenge and delight us, we stumbled upon a post that involved featuring one of their songs on a streaming portal/website… “Ah, lovely!”, we thought. “This might help save some units from the dust of the record label office.” However, upon clicking the link, we were horrified -HORRIFIED!- to see a steak, mincemeat and other vulgarities…

meat

“How strange,” we thought, tucking into our spinach, fennel and quinoa salad, “that a self-proclaimed advocate of vegetarianism like Albert Witchfinder should not only allow one of his songs to feature on a website that glorifies meat consumption, but also to unashamedly post about it on facebook…” One plump radish later, we remembered who it is we’re talking about, so we shrugged it off, and went back to our hummus…

Enjoy the song, try it with a side order of meatballs and a dollop of bacon-fried hypocrisy:

http://www.themetaldeli.com/

Pleased to Meat you !

The Gates of Flesh

Citizens of the picturesque Turku city of Finland are distraught as gyms are turning into fast food joints and bakeries almost overnight… “I walked into what used to be the aerobics temple where I did my plyometrics and rigorous cardio”, says local resident Petteri Vicaraki, while sucking on his triple choc milkshake, “and I walked out with three dozen doughnuts, five jammy scones and a 2kg marzipan log. This is madness!”

“It’s a terrible situation all around”, says voluptuously-bodied Rauta Vasara, Petteri’s neighbour, while munching on a chocolate-dipped dough ball he just pulled out of a bag of twenty. “There’s no way out. I am forced to sit on my mom’s sofa, playing video games, smoking pot and snacking, 24/7.” Huffing, he bends to pick up a 12″ vinyl-sized lolly that fell out of his goody bag. “I will never fit into my bathing suit this summer!”

While the citizens of Turku are united in their plight, others have remained skeptical on the matter… “Not that I’m into conspiracy theories and stuff, but this is clearly a full on government plan to prey on the skinny and promote obesity”, says Dilbert Bonkero, a citizen of far away Lohja. “The unenlightened will have no choice but to get fatter and fatter, while the truly enlightened, like me, will maintain their model figures on a diet of moths and boiled newspaper. It’s a struggle, a battle of spirits, a head-on challenge for the well and truly informed citizens that don’t simply believe everything that is spoken to them, unless of course it’s told by a vagina owner from Chile”.

Dear readers, should you happen to be in Turku, please seek out a functioning gym, where Petteri can shed some pounds for the glamour photo shots of his new album. And let us know if they offer a 2-for-1 subscription scheme, in case Rauta wants to join him. Leave a comment, and we will forward this much-needed info to them.

The Gates of Flesh