Kimi Kärki: a true master of positivity!

Following on from our previous post, there’s a Kimi Kärki tidbit that we’d like to expand on… You see, dear readers, we absolutely do not believe that Kimi Kärki did not know about those re-releases in advance. Not. For. A. Second.

If you read the facebook thread carefully (which he himself posted), it becomes apparent that it was a political move, to placate his record label (with whom he’s releasing another Lord Vicar album this spring -unless Oli effs up again, that is), and diffuse the situation with his former bandmate, Albertino Von Doom…

His parting post speaks volumes to those of us who remember Kimi Kärki as the bigot Peter Vicar, mouthing off on the Hellride forums from the safety of his computer:

 

He “wants to focus on something positive instead”, righty-o. That must have been his saving grace through it all…

Your fans got ripped off by someone who pretended to be your and their friend? Hey, no worries, “focus on something positive instead”! Just remember to tell those who speak the truth to “shut the F**k up” first…

Your new CD is one track? No problems here, send out the faulty CDs and “focus on something positive instead”. Job done, money in the bank!

Your solo albums go from discounted price to discounted price? Absolutely no need to fret whatsoever: “focus on something positive instead”! It just means your “art” is too high profile for the consuming masses. Better unsold, than in the homes of undeserving lowlifes.

Dearest readers, learn from this wise master of positive thinking, and welcome the new year under the spectre of positive focus. And make sure you buy those Reverend Bizarre re-releases from The Church Within. Because Sami and Oli need some positive vibes as well.

Happy new year!

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Kimi Kärki: a true master of positivity!

the curse of “magick with tears” strikes again!

Joy to the world indeed, dear readers, as recently there was such mirth generated on Reverend Bizarre’s facebook page that it took us a few days to recover…

Long story short, a news item was posted on Reverend Bizarre’s facebook page (which we are told is run by Peter Vicar, or Kimi Kärki), concerning the CD re-release of two Reverend Bizarre albums on The Church Within label. Business as usual, then.

Well, no.

You see, starving artist Albert Witchfinder was not informed of the re-releases until his beloved (no jokes please) former bandmate made that post. Cue endless tirades on his Total Control clauses, cutting commentary by a metal-archives moderator, responses by a dude with a german name who seems to jump into assumptions very easily, and laughable patronising posts by Peter Vicar (or Kimi Kärki), himself.

This is the post that started it all…

And you can read the hilarity that ensued for yourselves, here:

All told, this Oli Richling bloke is moving stealthily to usurp Kimi Kärki as the most underhand individual in doom metal. The 2018 backstabbing awards will be difficult to vote for.

Meanwhile, can someone please confirm that those two CDs are indeed one track? Because basically, those albums have to be listened as continuous journeys, not track here, track there. This is at least the way we prefer it to be experienced, and it’s not a huge test in patience, even in today’s world. Just close your eyes and think of Oli counting his money, while Sami is crying in the far corner. Poor thing.

 

the curse of “magick with tears” strikes again!

more Sami gold !

Once again, we were sent a link to a post by our favourite artist, Sami Albert of Witchfinder, but this time, dear readers, we struggled to make sense of it…

We even consulted specialists fluent in the Samialvertian tongue, like Pedro Dumbfak and Ville Morono, but they also declared themselves at a loss…

Therefore, we announce our annual pre-Christmas competition! Send us your interpretations of Sami’s wisdom as presented in the above post and the best one will win our very own Die-Hard copy of “Magick with Tears”, including a photo album of Tam’s vadge, pair of soiled knickers and XL pantyhose, the very same items that snared a lonely boy from Finland so long ago, and got him to do unspeakable deeds at the promise of punanny action…

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curb your enthusiasm! lord vicar will not… we repeat, not strip !

Blog readers emailed us this news item, about a “Lord Vicar Superstrip”, and immediately we started looking at flights, keen on the idea of Peter Vicar’s voluptuous figure gyrating to an exquisitely compiled soundtrack, or Chritus working the pole like no one else knows how, his lithe, slithering body moving gracefully to the sound of “Leper, Leprechaun”…

But sadly it turns out it’s just a fancy name for a patch! Meh.

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Kimi Kärki + Hipster girl = match made in heaven !

Our beloved reluctant artist Kimi Kärki briefly resurfaced recently in a YouTube video where Hipster Doom girl Sarah Kitteringham covers Finnish Doom:

Sarah is a lovely person. She owns lots of vinyl records that have all been released in the last 5 years, spends more time plaiting her hair than checking who actually sings in Minotauri (one of her favourite bands, yay!) and talks at length about things she doesn’t know. She’s basically a female Albert Witchfinder. No wonder she and Kim get along so well…

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Albert Witchfinder declares love for Suede, asks to join black sabbath !

The idiocy of that idiot is stupendous and monumental! We have no words…

Albert Witchfinder declares love for Suede, asks to join black sabbath !