Albert Witchfinder is Finally Happy to Perform Live !

…as long as he’s wearing a mask, and fronting a charting pop band, that is.


In yet another facebook post (he’s certainly making a few too many for a recluse), his Magisterial Highness expressed surprise at having been “healed somehow” and looking forward to performing shows with his brand new, Finnish album chart-bothering band Tähtiportti. Just not with long-serving, highly regarded yet not mainstream succesful doom metal legends Spiritus Mortis.

He can’t help it.

What could possibly be the deciding factor that separates Tähtiportti from Spiritus Mortis and makes it easy for Albertino to get up on stage with them? Could it be their album sales? Their wide appeal? Their Pet Shop Boys-aping? Perhaps Albert doesn’t like doom metal anymore, and prefers bland synthetic music that sounds like it was made with fruity loops presets? Or could it be that the audience at the Spiritus Mortis shows consists of the doom metal fans who have supported Albert throughout his 20-year career, instead of trend-following sheep, mindless teenagers and hipster scum?

Can someone who has read Tähtiportti’s rider confirm that Sir Albert requires his toast with extra butter on the side?

Albert Witchfinder is Finally Happy to Perform Live !

5 thoughts on “Albert Witchfinder is Finally Happy to Perform Live !

  1. Crom Well says:

    What a joke! When he put that “The Biggest Sell-out in Doom Metal” sticker on his album 10 years ago, he was being funny, and we laughed with him. But that’s exactly what he has become now!


  2. Raivotar says:

    Spiritus Mortis should be out there playing, not these Milli Vanilli bozos… And wasn’t the Spiritus Mortis album supposed to have been finished like an aeon ago? Albert outta get his priorities straight!


      1. The Blade says:

        they haven’t split up. their bozo singer has kept them waiting/inactive for 3 years, while he’s pursuing other projects, closer to his heart, like making money and being a pop idol.


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