Albert Witchfinder is just fine, really.

Mystery had surrounded the last few years of Albert Witchfinder (aka Sami Hynninen)’s life… In interviews, he dubbed himself a recluse. On his facebook page (yes, he’s a recluse but he has a facebook page, what is hard to understand? and no sniggering at the back!), he categorically states “No public performances”. In interviews (yes, he does give interviews, despite being a recluse, stop being so trivial!), he said “the last few years have been hard”. His former bandmates defended him on public forums, calling people who suggested that Albert is just a coward, “simple”.

As a result, the rumours raged. Unconfirmed reports of Albert eating from garbage bins circulated kindergartens, mostly in the Yorkshire area. Concerns grew over the ill-fated singer’s health… Some in-the-know doom metal fans thought Albert might be walking around in crutches, or rolling in a wheelchair. There have been reports that he lives in the woods, dressed in rags and a tiger mask. People feared the worst.

Alas.

Albert attended the recent Saint Vitus reunion shows, and photos have finally been made available to the public. As you can see, he’s just fine:

dumber and dumberer

He was just playing the “woe is me” card, which he learned from the best…

See him pictured here?

listen to me when I talk

Standing up with no visible issues, in clean, freshly ironed clothes and a swell trimmed beard, doing what he does best, i.e. arguing on insignificant matters. Opposite him, his ex-bandmate Kimi Kärki, smiling widely as he has presumably just cleared the entire catering area, and fishing in his pocket for breath mints. Between them, an actual doom legend who has somehow managed not to get his fans ripped off, in a career at least twice as long as theirs. Nor has he ever played the “recluse” card. You can see the sad look on his face, thinking “How could a doom metal band who claimed to have been influenced by us stoop so low, like those guys?”…

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Albert Witchfinder is just fine, really.

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